24 May 2010

My life.

I hate writing about myself because I want to cast the light somewhere else. It's the whole idea of not looking the fool by not opening your mouth. I'd like to imagine my life isn't as bad as it is, so long as I don't say it. But if I say it, then I'm bound by it. I fall victim to fatalism.

But I'm at a Crossroads (well, I moved to Costa). I've got to start deciding, so I can start living. The first decision I have to make is where do I go after college? Do I:
1) Move back home.
2)a) Apply to grad school.
b)Apply to seminary.
3)a) Go on missions.
b) Travel the world.
4)a) Look for work.
b) Spend time off, but work on various personal projects: write a book, learn a language, read, study on my own, research, freelance, soul search, etc.
I suppose not all of the options are mutually exclusive, but I'm a single-minded, tunnel-vision kind of guy. I never graduated the Circus because I couldn't juggle.

The problem is that I want to do them all. Yet there's only one of me, and I can only be at one place at one time (or one place at many times, but never many places at one time, depending on your take on physics). The point is to be efficient, and use my time wisely before I've run out. The shadow of the future, or the end of the game, is uncertain.

I could live as if I had all the time in the world, but I would do nothing. Or I could live as if I were going to die tomorrow, but I'd run out of things to do by Wednesday (only because I spend Tuesdays with Morrie). Anyhow, my good friend John Nash would say to find some sort of equilibrium. Every situation has one.

I suppose the goal is to find the point where I do everything I can do while I can do it, including preparing for things I can't do yet, but wish to do later. The problem lies in the uncertainty of the future: what do I wish now to do later that I won't wish later to do now?


Oh, if I only knew what to do.

10 May 2010

Flight Log of Cessna 180 RC.

The Maiden Flight of Cessna 180 RC ended in near-disaster. I was piloting with my dad navigating when the control arm attached to the horizontal tail became misaligned. We had not gone through the proper calibration procedures, and soon realized our error. Shortly after takeoff the airplane began a nose-dive that despite all counter-measures resulted in an uncontrollable tailspin. The airplane crashed head first into a concrete sidewalk, and its propeller shattered into a million pieces.

I can't say I wasn't warned. In the flight manual under "Step 5: Installing the Propellor", the unnamed author cautions: "One extra propellor has been included should you break the original one during landing. We suggest keeping the extra one with you while you're flying, just in case."

The replacement propeller has been properly fitted, and the horizontal tail has been accurately aligned. Flight #2 codenamed "Redemption" is a go once scheduling permits.

09 May 2010

It's time to express things I find hard to express.

Metaphors are for things you cannot put into words.

The paradox of metaphors is that they, for all their brilliance, are a shortcoming. Because the eyes of my mind see blurry, and the dictionary in my head leaks, I resort to metaphor.

The simile is like the metaphor like the pen is like the brush.

The simile keeps things separate, while the metaphor blends. You never take a red pen and a blue pen to make purple pens. But if you have the right brush, you can mix meanings till they mean something new--and sometimes till they mean something two.

All meanings are like centaurs, and old metaphors like minotaurs.

You take two things you do know, and you put them together. It vaguely represents the thought in your head, but if it's close enough people will get what you mean. Sometimes it wasn't what you started out to mean at all, but if it's beautiful enough, you get a unicorn.

The only metaphor we have for God is what metaphors are for.

07 May 2010

"Find the crack."

"In the darkness, there's always a crack. It's how the light gets in."

05 May 2010

Injustice: A Stab to the Heart.

I've watched this three times now, it's totally worth it.

Each time I am struck in a new way.

04 May 2010

Shower songs.

Oh, what a wonderful world
What a beautiful day
What a wondrous God
Who would love me this way.