30 April 2011

Takka Takka.

"Sometimes what you're after is not your fault, because happily ever after is what you're taught."

Fringe.

"This is my favorite time of day. Sunrise. When the world is full of promise."

Think fast

First glance

I hate waiting by the phone
expecting something great to happen
only to receive a notification
that i've been mentioned on twitter
or that someone liked my instagram photo.

Closer look

I hate waiting
for something great to happen.

26 April 2011

One, two, three.

I.

I saw a puzzle piece on the ground today.
Beat up and cardboard.

It waited, alone, like me, to be swept up
in that hallway of ours.
I wondered where it belonged, like me,
as I picked it up, like a giant picks me up.

It's amazing how big things get
once you bring them close.

It's as amazing how small they get
once you let them go.

Its edges frayed,
because that's what edges do.
Its colors faded,
colors do that sometimes too.
I wanted to keep it,
like a pocket keeps a penny,
and a pocket keeps some lint,
and a pocket keeps a pocket keeps a kiss.

But I left it,
because that's what people do.
When you aren't me and I'm not you,
when we're stuck here, not knowing what to do,
we leave our pieces behind
like we leave our pennies places
through the hole in our pockets
and the gaps in our grips
they sink to the floor
like an iceberg struck ship.

So I left that piece there, alone, like me,
in that hallway of ours
to fend for herself
to perplex another stranger
bring him close
drop him off
leave him alone,
to confuse a passerby
with her riddles and problems
with the oh so many ways to solve them
yet without others, she's just funny shaped,
razor sharp, colors fade, edges frayed.

Without others,
she's just beat up and cardboard.

II.

I saw a puzzle piece on the ground today.
Beat up and cardboard.

I saw a woman with a mustache,
dragging her babies,
yelling at faces,
looking places.

The soft note as the ivory hits the hammer
it rings in my ear as the jack slams the sidewalk.
The rhythm and precision of such destructive machines
it's a wonder how much thunder goes into these
how much glory and how much story
you'll find in the macabre, the mundane,
the morbid, and the gory.

With what ease the puzzle fits the piece,
the soft flick of the cardboard against the floor
the soft chew, the gentle breath, the once more.
The rearranging of the pieces, the rotation
and perspectives. the matching of the colors,
and lining of the edges.

Oh, how lost a puzzle can be, if it's missing one piece.
But a piece without a puzzle?
Like a question with no answer
or a dance without her dancer.

III.

Things always seem so much more beautiful
before you examine them.

I saw a puzzle piece on the ground today.

Beat up and cardboard.

25 April 2011

House.

"You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you'll find, you get what you need."

21 April 2011

Slashdot on Medicine.

A: By the way, you do know that Western medicine is not the only medicine in the world, right?
B: There is only one class of medicine in the world, and it is scientific. Your attempt to frame science-based medicine as a racial or cultural property ('Western') lies at the root of your reasoning fallacies: you reinterpret comparisons between industrialized and tribal humans as cultural/racial, regardless of whether race or culture has anything to do with it. The superiority of empirical medicine is not cultural hegemony. The life-saving knowledge of microbe theory and hygiene is not a religious belief that be can relativized with shamanist 'healing.'

Quote.

"People of utmost reason are the least reasonable of all. It is this sad combination of needing reason and having no reason that leads them down mean and destructive paths."

18 April 2011

I am unhappy.

I need someone to preach the good news to me, and to pray for me.

10 April 2011

Gulag.

From the film The Way Back,
Voss: No killing.
Valka: No? I think you've killed before. You say too many prayers for an innocent man.
I'm not done watching yet, but so far it is extraordinary.

09 April 2011

Copper coins.

I leave pennies places I go
On windowsills, and garbage pails
Like breadcrumbs for thieves and breathing for sails

I leave pennies places they don't belong
In cups for suggestions, but only in pairs--
"Did you just see that?" and they left it there

I leave pennies places I miss
Redondo, Ventura, Newport, and Long
The red glow of the clock, the resounding alarm

I leave pennies places I like
Like earmarks in mines, and pushpins on maps
Like the sleeve for a book on its inside flaps

When I feel guilty,

I get the urge to shower.

Sometimes it helps. Most times it doesn't.
There is a fountain filled with blood
drawn from Emmanuel's veins;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains,
lose all their guilty stains;
and sinners plunged beneath that flood
lose all their guilty stains.
28

Nothing but the blood...

I must have it.

Researchers have identified variations on two genes which may influence how much caffeine a person consumes.

I've broken my caffeine fast. I had been going strong since November. For those of you who know me best, you know what this means..

03 April 2011

few things i love

autumn leaves, frozen poptarts, $5 subs, and reblogged blogs, words with friends, good conversations, friendly strangers, and strange friends, laptop pillows, big soft blankets, movie nights, and dinner tables, taxi cabs, symmetry, making lists, and madeup startups, apple trailers, contagious laughs, firm handshakes, and introductions, nerdy comics, simple times, solving problems, and small group, catching up, missing friends, making jokes, and storytellings.

Vomit.

It's hard to feel like I am glorifying God in my work. I realized that my soul needs a lot of nurturing. I went through this week trying to grind through work (put my hand to the plow and not look back), but it hit me all at once when I got to the end of the week. I just couldn't do it. I need Jesus, and lots of Him. But I'm not sure how. I feel like I've created a false dichotomy between working and spending time with Jesus. Sometimes I wish I could just pray and read my Bible all day, but I know that God wants me to work, excel at my work, and do it for Him. How, how, how? How can I devote so much time to sitting in front of a computer screen and typing up code that no one will see or appreciate and not spend that time wrapped up in His word, meditating over it, praying to Him, loving Him and His people? I know that if I didn't work, I wouldn't spend all my time fruitfully anyhow, but I almost feel sapped, choked, drained, of creativity, inspiration, and love, when I spend it solving abstract problems on the computer, and not towards knowing and loving my God...

02 April 2011

Cafes and caffeine.

I quit caffeine around Thanksgiving last year. I came to Starbucks today and almost gave into the urge for coffee, tea, anything with a buzz, but I didn't realize how much I would miss the experience of a cafe itself. I haven't really gotten to sit down in a coffee shop or tea house and study and work in quite some time. I miss it. Watching customers walk in and out, observing all different kinds of people, looking out at the city and sky as I work, hearing every possible permutation of an order, listening to Satie, Davis, and Jones. It's been too cold here in New Haven/New York to go out and enjoy the city. But the weather is warming up and I hope to spend a lot more time in public places like this getting work done, and, perhaps, sharing a conversation or two with a stranger :)

Lic.

Love in community. In small group today I sat and watched people sing and dance. I'm amazed at how everyone is so different from each other, how diverse God has created each of us to be, how our personalities all come together. We're all so different, yet strangely the same.

01 April 2011

I'm waiting, but I don't know what for.

I do this every once in awhile. I feel pensive, hopeful, and expectant, but clueless. I wonder how many people out there feel this way. Like letters with no reply. Like midnight on your birthday when your phone is dead. Like a party where you don't know anyone. Like a new shirt that no one notices. Like a legen- with no -dary.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the Lord! -- Psalm 27:14
He has put it in our hearts to wait... for Him.