27 August 2011

Dr. Linus

Seriously, my new second favorite episode so far,
Ilana: Where will you go?
Ben: To Locke.
Ilana: Why?
Ben: Because he's the only one who'll have me.
Ilana: I'll have you.
Redemption. Forgiveness. And understanding.

25 August 2011


Intimately tied to and second to humility, it is the hallmark of great leadership. And because of its great difficulty it is what most often fails to materialize,
If the company succeeds at doing that in the years ahead, it won't be evidence that Steve Jobs turned out to be replaceable. Instead, it'll be proof that he taught the company which so many fans and detractors believed was a one-man show to go on being Apple without his intensive involvement. That would be Jobs' final and finest one more thing — and right now, the odds seem decent that he'll pull it off.
I'd love to see him pull it off.

22 August 2011

It is the most profound thing.

It nearly brought me to tears saying it,
but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
Reconciliation means death.

18 August 2011

The Seven Deadly Axioms: Part One.

I. The Pigeonhole Principle. Although my understanding of greatness has changed over time [1], I've always held this assumption about it. That everyone wanted it and that if they tried hard enough, they could have it. But as I've grown older, I've come to see that not everyone goes on to be great, and even fewer try.

II. The Observer Effect. I've found words powerful, sometimes almost magical. They don't only seek to describe events, they shape them as well. It's as if incantation were not only our deep desire, but also our great and secret power. But if you abuse the use of words, you'll find their power shrink, diminish, nearly vanish. Because the power of words is not in their sound as they roll off your tongue, nor in their familiarity with one another as they echo the things they see, but in their bijection with reality—in the Word's one-to-one mapping with the World [2].

III. Greedy Algorithm. Why do we make the decisions that we do? Sometimes, you'd say, we make irrational decisions—and there's no explaining it, no reasoning behind it. But once you add time into the equation, and understand our perception of it, most irrational decisions transform into special case rational solutions. Given our current information, our wants and desires, and our understanding of the way the world works, we will always still have uncertainties. And the most uncertain uncertainty is, of course, time. Because we are unsure of exactly just how much time we have, we make bad decisions. We choose what's near, what we see, what's ready, and what's available. We choose to wait not; we choose the here and now. And many times, most times, almost all times—we've chosen a suboptimal solution.

[1] Cf. Matthew 23:11
[2] Technically a bijection is one-to-one and onto. But "onto" didn't fit into the sentence, and hence the observation that it is very difficult to be and to speak about being without having spoken about something else having been the what was spoken about and the who was doing the speaking. In other words, we don't escape.


Hasten me and I will falter; Hasten Him—Oh, hasten Him.

15 August 2011

I have a hard time letting go.

It is both a good thing and a bad thing. I don't easily give up, but I don't humbly surrender either.

I used to be filled with deep sorrow and painful regret when I would lose a friend or they would drift away. It was sad for me to see possibilities vanish, and probabilities collapse. It is known in game theory that as the shadow of the future diminishes, that is, as the end of the game nears, behavior changes. People act differently end game than they do mid game. Long term investing transforms to short term gain. Risk taking increases. And so do selfish actions.

I am not proud of how I've acted in the past clinging onto the last few ashes of promise among the ruins of a failed relationship. But I am still learning and I've begun to see hope,
Some indeed preach Christ from envy and rivalry, but others from good will. The latter do it out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former proclaim Christ out of rivalry, not sincerely but thinking to afflict me in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice (Philippians 1:15-18).
Watch as my good friend John contrasts this with Galatians 1:6-10,
What’s the difference—celebration in Philippians and cursing in Galatians? The difference is that there is no evidence in Philippians that the hypocritical preachers were saying false things when they preached the gospel. They preached the true gospel. But the preachers in Galatians were distorting the gospel.

In other words, Paul is more agitated when the gospel itself is defective than he is when the people who preach the true gospel are defective.
And where's the hope in this? That even though I am a defective witness, God can still use me. And so it is no longer about whether I have a relationship with an old friend, but that my old friend has a relationship with God. If I fail in getting along, or keeping up, or building intimacy, if my attempts to relive memories of the illusive, never as good as you remember, past fail—that is not what matters most.

What matters most is that the people we come to meet know and love Jesus, that the time we spend with them, no matter how little or how cut short, was spent pointing them to the cross. And that's where humble surrender comes in. It's not about me, or you, or us. It's bigger than that. I've got to learn to surrender to God, because He is wise, and He is good, and He has a plan. And that's what I'm learning to hope in, and pray for, and work towards.

Dear Friends,

I'll be back in California from Aug 17th to Sept 3rd.

If you have the time, let's hang out! :D

I didn't go to church today.

I couldn't wake up.

And I want to be a missionary?

What am I doing with my life.

14 August 2011

You talk funny.

Thinking in a British accent makes all your thoughts sound so profound.

I bet you're thinking about it right now,
aren't you?

And... in a British accent!

Amazing Grace

I know how it feels to be lost. To not know where I am. To not know who I am. When I was a child I wandered off at the mall, and when the security guards found me, I was told the conversation went something like this:
G: Where are your parents?
B: Shopping.
G: What are their names?
B: Mommy. Daddy.
G: Where do you live?
B: Home.
After awhile, of course, I was found and for the first time I experienced what being found felt like. There's something beautiful about that—the power of metaphor, the meaning in contrast. If I had never been lost, I'd not know the joy of being found. If not for misery, I'd never know happiness.

13 August 2011

On my good friend Martin.

From intjforum.com,
Personally, I did not care for Dr King. I felt he conceded too much, did not press too hard, was too "PC" (before there was such a thing as "Politically Correct").
Haha. Funny. Either he doesn't know the real King, or his opinion has revealed something pivotal about his worldview.

Would someone "Politically Correct" go to jail for their beliefs? Lay down their own life for the sake of others? I think not. It's action, not talk, that determines faith. It's resolve, not force, that determines strength. And it's persistence, not terror, that determines courage.

12 August 2011

"Real Conversations"

S (the other S): You always go for the ones that wouldn't go for you.


We don't make thishup. And when we do, we tell you.

09 August 2011


E: If the most important thing to me is also the most important thing for that person as well, thats whats most important.


S: You have to be selective, not indecisive.

08 August 2011

1 Corinthians 9:19-27.

You have many roles; you have one purpose.
That more might be saved; that God might be glorified.

Lost my voice.

I have much to write, but I'm having the hardest time writing it.

07 August 2011


Got my first happy early birthday today. By the doorman (the bouncer?) at the Dove, a rather quiet, empty bar with a friendly, smiling bartender lady next door to our apartment. I had to ask him twice, because I didn't hear him the first time, or I didn't believe it. He told me his birthday was the day before mine. :)

05 August 2011

Am I the only one?

Honestly, one of the first things I wanted to see when I got to New York was Tim Keller.

04 August 2011


I sat next to a short, round, and brown lady on the bus along 2nd Av. We were on the sideways seats, and she leaned her side on the backs of the seats to our left. She clutched a plastic bag in her hand, and every few seconds as the bus roared onwards, shifting us slightly to the right, its contents would rustle. She'd pull it out from time to time, to look at it, and admire it. She'd hold it in her hands, the toy, a Disney-Pixar's Cars bubble blower. Its price stamped in big, bold white letters on the upper right. $3.99. Recession-plagued 2011's new 99¢ gift.

But she admired it. Held it in her hands. A smile leaking from the corner of her lips. Laughter peering out. Her eyes bent into half-crescents. She had a child who would just love it. She even bought the refill bubble solution. It reminded me of my mother, and the times we spent cherishing the little things in life. It pierced my heart, for that moment, the love of a mother for her child that no matter how small her means, she would find a way to make her child happy, to bring even for a moment some relief from the burden of life and the living of it.

03 August 2011

Chicken Tikka Masala.

Sometimes I think I'm vindaloo curry.


Shaved my head.

I have a distinct memory, because it's not often that I get complimented, of being on Library Walk at UCSD and having a bald, monkish-looking man walk up to me and tell me how he liked how I looked. It was only later that I realized it was because I was bald, and looked like him, that he said that. Hahaha. Also, he offered me some Eastern Spiritualist Voodoo Black Magic Literature. I kindly declined.


Because I figured that if you saw me for who I was, it wouldn't matter. And if you didn't, it wouldn't matter.